Understanding Breakups & Learning to Heal:
Why Do Breakups Hurt So Badly:
Heartbreak hurts physically because it triggers the same brain regions as physical pain. It induces a state similar to addiction withdrawal where “feel-good” chemicals like dopamine and oxytocin drop while stress hormones like cortisol spike. The combination of the two creates chest sensations and in severe cases “broken heart syndrome”
The way that our brain processes breakups is that social rejection and romantic loss activates the same brain areas as a physical injury like burning your hand.
When you fall in love, your brain is addicted to the oxytocin and dopamine and when the relationship ends your brain goes through withdrawal from these chemicals which is similar to trying to stop a drug addiction.
Now that I understand my brain better, what do I do?
Healing from a broken heart requires patience and self-compassion which involves stages of grieving, accepting emotions and rebuilding self-identity. The key steps include, allowing yourself to cry, maintaining no contact with an ex, exercising, and seeking social support. Healing is non-linear and takes time. This chapter is focused on self-growth and finding new routines.
Work towards going no contact, if going no contact all at one time feels overwhelming, do it slowly. The more you learn to not check in on your ex and the more you limit interactions your peace of mind will come over time.
Journal & Reflect - Write down your thoughts to help you gain clarity and list your personal desires for future relationships.
Engage in new activities- create new memories by exploring hobbies or visiting new places to start to build the next chapter of your life
Manage Triggers- temporarily avoid songs, places, or reminders of your ex
Breakups are one of the hardest things to come to terms with because that person is still existing but you are grieving everything you shared together. Be patient and gentle with yourself & always know you are not alone going through this. We learn a lot about ourselves through relationships and you can miss someone and know that someone isn’t right for you.
